


Three Simple Rules to Follow

by BlackEyedGirl



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, Porn Battle, Translation Available, Words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-10
Updated: 2012-02-10
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:30:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackEyedGirl/pseuds/BlackEyedGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is good with words. [Written for Porn Battle.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Simple Rules to Follow

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Porn Battle 13 for prompt _learn_.

Tony finds him in the kitchen with the others, flipping idly through a magazine. Tony leans over his shoulder. “You shouldn’t read that crap.”

Steve closes it quickly. Tony seems friendly enough these past few months, but you can never tell what he’s going to start poking fun at. Steve had just been reading it because it was there. It was enlightening.

Tony shakes his head. “Seriously. All that Twenty Ways to Please Your Man stuff? I mean, a) all the actual women of our acquaintance,” he nods at Natasha, “will tell you that’s it’s sexist bullshit, feeding the male hegemony, denying the importance of female pleasure and seriously, get Pepper even halfway drunk and ask her about this because she has a lecture prepared, I swear to God. Anyway b) sex is not that complicated.”

Someone on the other side of the kitchen snorts. Steve suspects Clint, but it might be Bruce. Steve raises a polite eyebrow. “I’ve read about some of your…”

“I’m not denying that there are levels of complexity, if you want to keep things exciting. I’m saying the basic, first time, are we really doing this oh okay we are, that part? Can be great, and no need for Cosmo. I could give you three rules, and you’d be done.”

This time it’s definitely Clint. “ _This_ I have to hear.”

Tony pours himself a cup of coffee and leans against the countertop, looking right at Steve. “Okay. Number one. Find someone you like.”

Natasha interrupts. “Seriously? What about- I cannot believe you liked- what about the one who tried to kill you?”

“Which one? Look, sex with someone you hate has the potential for rewards,” Tony says sternly, not turning to look at her, “but it can also be bitter and weird and everyone hates themselves in the morning. Also we’re talking about Steve. Steve is not an angry-sex person.”

Steve feels a little like he should be protesting that but honestly, no, he doesn’t think he wants to have sex where he ends up hating someone in the morning. That sounds like it would defeat the object.

“So,” Tony says. “Find someone you like. Someone who you can stand to have around you, all the time, even when you feel like hell warmed over and you don’t want to talk about it. Someone who smiles and it makes you go ‘I’d spend years figuring out how to make that happen again because it’s hard to do but it’s worth the effort’. Someone who makes you want to whisper secrets right into their skin.” He shrugs. “Someone you like.”

That doesn’t sound exactly as simple as ‘like’ to Steve. He keeps his eyes on Tony. “Okay. What’s the second part?”

“Don’t have sex with them.”

“Tony!”

“Spend as many hours of the day as you can with them, wanting them more than anything else in the whole wide universe of shiny toys and beautiful people. Touch them when you can get away with it. Work with them, fight with them, tell them all your best jokes. Want them so much you wake up every morning and go to sleep every night aching with it. Don’t do anything more for about a day longer than you think you can stand.” Tony’s voice is light, charming; he could be talking about anything.

Steve is not so composed. “And the- there was one more thing. Right?”

The whole room is quiet now. Steve can hear himself breathing.

Tony smiles. “Then do something about it. Touch them like there’s no one else in the world you could ever want more. Kiss them, bite them, cock, breasts, whatever, but do it like they’re the one good thing left, your route out of the wilderness. Wait until they say your name and kiss the breath right out of them. Like if you could just be inside them you could set the whole universe to rights, because that’s how good it would be, the two of you together. Like the moment they say yes is going to make all the disasters the pair of you created worthwhile. Touch them like you’re going to fill each other up, or else be messed-up freaks together but it’s not going to matter either way because at least it’ll be the two of you and there’s not a single other thing you could do right now that would be better than that. And mean it.” Tony nods at Steve, once. “Do it like that.”

Tony drains his cup and sets it back down on the countertop. He refills it slowly and then takes another sip.

Steve watches his mouth.

Tony gathers his things together. He pats Steve’s shoulder on the way out of the room. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Steve watches Tony leave and then looks at the empty space where he was. 

Natasha coughs. She seems a bit pink. Everyone seems a little flushed in fact. Steve’s own cheeks are definitely hot. Thor smiles cheerily. “Tony could tell mighty a fine tale, I would warrant. He would brighten a fireside gathering.”

“Those are the kind of stories you tell around a fireside?” Clint asks. “Because we usually stick to ghost stories, and I think we’ve been doing it wrong.”

Natasha looks at Steve across the table. “Steve?”

“Yes?”

“If you wanted to go after him, you are rapidly losing your moment.”

“If I-.”

She waves her hand at him. “Go. Now.”

Steve unbalances the table getting up, and trips on the stairs down to Tony’s lab. Tony is at the door in a moment. “You okay?” He taps his fingers on Steve’s chest. “No damage done?”

Steve shakes his head. “No- no. Just…?”

“What?”

“I think maybe we should get to the third part now. Because-.” He takes a breath. “This is about a day longer than I think I can stand. So I think we should go to the third part.”

Tony’s eyes widen. His hands spread open on Steve’s chest, warm and restless. If he hadn’t thought Steve was there too, why would he even say-? “Steve,” Tony says, hope and confusion warring desperately. 

Steve leans down, and kisses the breath right out of him. He doesn’t know if it’s enough to put the whole universe to rights, but it feels like a good start.

**Author's Note:**

> [ehmonkey](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ehmonkey/pseuds/ehmonkey) has [translated this into Vietnamese](http://ehmonkey.wordpress.com/2014/04/25/stony-ba-nguyen-tac-don-gian-can-lam-theo/).


End file.
